By Barbie Fischer and an anonymous member of Salford Mennonite Church
Abuse takes many forms and is a topic often shied away from. Yet, our communities of faith should be safe and healing places for all of God’s children … and how can they be if abuse is not discussed and actions not taken to prevent it? April is both Child Abuse Prevention month and Sexual Abuse Awareness Month. Both Franconia Conference and Dove’s Nest encourage congregations to step into the space of talking about healthy relationships to prevent abuse, and discuss ways of healing when abuse does happen. While April is one month a year set aside to focus on these topics, these should be discussions all year long.
One of our local congregations recently took on the task of addressing child abuse within their service. Salford Mennonite Church held a service on March 26th dedicated to celebrating the joy and life of children — past and present — within their congregation, while at the same time acknowledging, naming, and lamenting that amid the joy and life, there is injury, trauma, and loss of trust. The scriptural focus for the day was Ezekiel 37:1-14, the story of dry bones coming to life.
Organization of the service and including the voices of survivors was spearheaded by Maria Hosler Byler, Associate Pastor for Youth and Family Faith Formation, and Beth Ranck Yoder, Associate Pastor. The day included singing from the children, times for the congregation to name their joys in the children, the vulnerability of the children among them, and their vision for safety for their children. The day also included words from survivors in the congregation who were invited to submit their stories and offer words of both lament and hope.
The service was a time of healing for those who have survived abuse and is evident through a letter received from one of Salford’s congregants following the service. This church member has allowed us to share their letter here. Through it, one can see that while the topic may be difficult, healing comes from bringing these things into the light, bringing life back to the dry bones.
Dear Beloved Church Family at Salford, March 28, 2017
Thank you for the meaningful service on Sunday, March 26 in preparation for National Child Abuse Prevention Month in April. Sunday’s service was clearly dedicated to the protection of children and to the restoration of those who have suffered from abuse. Each aspect of the service was moving, and I want to thank the leadership team for listening to the guidance of the Spirit as you prepared for the service. We participated in worship as we lifted our voices in song, listened to the children sing, prayed for the children, said prayers of confession, and heard voices of lament and of hope. The worship service was inspiring and moving.
I am grateful to have been asked to reflect on the Dry Bones passage from Ezekiel and share some of my story, anonymously. The questions which were provided as guidance were helpful for me as I thought about what might be helpful for others to hear from my story. As I wrote, the Valley of the Dry Bones from my past began to appear in my mind, and I could visualize the stages of healing that had taken place in recent years. The image of healing after many, many years was helpful for me as I reflected on what would be meaningful to share.
During the week before the service, when I had the chance to read reflections that other survivors of abuse had sent in, I started to feel nervous about hearing their words, and my words, spoken to the congregation. By Saturday, I began to think about volunteering to help with the children during the service instead of sitting in the sanctuary. While courage was needed for individuals to share their stories, even anonymously, courage was also needed to hear the words spoken. I am very glad that I made the decision to attend the service. Salford Mennonite, thank you for giving survivors the opportunity to share their stories with the congregation, and thank you for being willing to hear their stories.
At the beginning of the service, as I sat watching and listening, I felt numb, as though I were observing everything from a distance. Toward the end of the service, I realized that I was indeed a part of the fellowship. I felt a keen sense of belonging to the body of believers at Salford. Thank you for being a caring, loving, accepting, and even a risk-taking community of believers. I believe that through the beloved community of Salford Mennonite Church, steps will continue to be taken to safely care for children, and restoration will continue to take place among the broken.
During the Sundays in Lent, I have been watching the transformation of the broken pottery at the front of the sanctuary. Philip Hosler Byler carefully crafted the large and broken clay pot. Each week, two people come forward and attach a broken piece to the base, and I watch in wonder. Years ago I had told my counselor that I felt as though my journey of healing from abuse was like the journey of a broken vase being glued together—the vase might be functional, but the cracks will always be there, destroying its beauty. My counselor told me that in some areas of Asia, when a vase is cracked, it is filled with gold, making it both beautiful and valuable. During this week’s service, I could visualize the completed clay pot once all of the pieces are joined. Thank you, Philip, for crafting a pot that demonstrates how God can restore our lives, piece by piece.
After the children left the sanctuary, we heard the statistics that have been in the news in recent years, that 1 in 4 girls will be abused before adulthood and 1 in 6 boys will be abused before reaching adulthood. The numbers are startling. We were able to visualize those numbers by having people in appointed rows stand. We as a congregation now have a deeper understanding of just how many 1 in 4 is. Seeing half of the left side of the sanctuary standing was astounding. Many survivors’ stories remain hidden.
I appreciated the themes of “Lament” and “Hope” through which survivors’ stories were shared. As the four voices at the back of the sanctuary took turns reading the words of lament, I sensed that actual voices of the survivors were being heard. (I did not turn around to see who the four people were who read, but I do want to thank them for their roles in the service.) The congregation seemed to really be listening to the words of sadness and grief. Toward the end of the service, when the four voices read the words of hope and anticipation which survivors of abuse had shared, I sensed that God was in our midst, caring, healing, loving, and encouraging. Thank you, Salford family, for being attentive to the journeys of these survivors in our midst.
I am thankful for the guidance through prayer for the children, the prayer of confession, and the spoken responses following the voices of lament and of hope. I am grateful to you, our pastoral team, for reading together the confession of the church leaders. I sensed your earnest desire to protect children and to restore those who have been “harmed by the evils of abuse.” Healing and restoration will continue to take place in our church as we strive to move forward, trusting in God to show us the way. Thank you for your willingness to lead our congregation in the way of healing.
The sermon I am grateful for, as it took an old Bible story, familiar for many of us, and brought it to life, allowing me to visualize the transformation of the Valley of Dry Bones and to see how God desires for us to move from a place of despair to a place of abundant living. We as a congregation were given the opportunity to visualize the healing taking place within our church. My Valley of Dry Bones took place years ago, but I can still see it. In that desolate place I was unable to get off of the couch, unable to go and pick up one item at the grocery store, unable to enjoy my favorite foods, unable to connect with my family in healthy ways. Sleep was my escape, feeling unable to do anything, just as the dry bones in the valley were unable to do anything. The Valley of Dry Bones is a desolate place of despair, and no one wants to stay there; yet without help from God and from others, it is hard to find a way to leave.
There are so many things to be grateful for with the service. For the child protection policy being distributed in everyone’s church mailboxes prior to the service and for our Child/Youth Safety Team. For those who cared for the children during this important service. For our Pastors Joe, Beth, and Maria who guided our congregation through the Valley of Dry Bones. Thank you for your leadership as you strive to make Salford a place of healing and of hope. God does not want for us to stay in the Valley of Dry Bones, for Jesus came so that we might have abundant life, and our God is a God of hope.
Sunday’s service was truly beautiful. I firmly believe that God is at work at Salford to restore the broken. My prayer is that God will continue to work in our congregation as we are committed to protect children and to restore those who have been abused. May we serve one another in God’s love, and may we be a light in our community. My hope is that all congregations would be able to experience the healing power of a service of restoration.
God’s peace be with you.
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To hear the sermon from the March 26th service visit http://www.salfordmc.org/recent-sermons.
DVDs of the service can be requested from Salford Mennonite Church.
Also, a list of resources utilized for the service can be found here: http://mosaicmennonites.org/church-safety/.
In February, my wife and I took our then-1 month old son to Indonesia with the purpose of introducing him to our family. At first, we just wanted to make this introductory event simple, but one of my sisters, Yanti Rinawati, insisted on making it a big event because it coincided with her birthday. We are very happy because all went well. The event was nice, we were able to introduce our son to the family, and the overall trip went smoothly.
Indeed, I lost my sister, but I am grateful my family and I were `prepared` more than a week before her departure; we had a warning that her time on earth was coming to an end. I cannot imagine the feeling of Abdulhamid al-Yousef who lost his wife and 9 month old twin babies in the Syrian chemical attack last week. He had no warning. I also cannot imagine the feelings of 8 year old Jonathan Martinez’s parents, as they lost Jonathan in the North Park Elementary School shooting in San Bernandino just a few days ago. We could make a long list of the people we love who have departed from us without warning. The loss of a loved one can be devastating, with or without a warning.
Beginning in July, 2017, Mary Nitzsche will join the Franconia Conference staff as Associate Executive Minister. This role will include the work that was previously classified as Conference Pastor. She will serve as primary staff person for the ministerial committee and assist in pastoral accompaniment with various groups within Conference, such as with Conference chaplains and retired leaders, while also serving as the primary connection with Mennonite Church USA, attending denominational meetings, CLC and working with credentialing processes.
In addition to her work within Franconia Conference, Mary has also served as a Regional Pastor with Ohio Conference for 12 years, she worked as a counselor within the Church Relations office at Goshen College, and early in her career was an elementary school teacher. Mary holds a Master’s degree in pastoral counseling from 
Mary is married to Wayne Nitzsche, pastor of Perkasie Mennonite Church. They have two adult daughters: Alison, living with her husband, Michael, in Long Beach, California, and Megan living in New York City. Mary and Wayne are Midwest natives and have both lived and served in a variety of congregational and conference settings.
Once again the hard work of the planning committee and especially our miracle-working God made a way where there seemed to be no way, and we were able to enjoy a sacred day of fellowship, worship, and learning. We had the biggest group ever, with 80 registrants from 15 different churches. The largest contingent of over 20 women came from Centro de Alabanza de Fildelfia.
We were asked to reflect on three questions throughout the day: Who do they (culture, family, etc.) say that I am? Who do I say that I am? Who does God say that I am? Pastor Tami told about her own journey of letting go of some of Grandmother’s purse as she stepped into God’s calling on her life to be a pastor.
We were blessed by songs of worship led by women from Centro de Alabanza de Fildelfia, expert translation between Spanish and English by several women, wonderful snacks donated by a dozen registrants, a delicious luncheon prepared by Marta Castillo, and by the faith witness of those who attended.
As one participant wrote, when asked what they found most meaningful about the Gathering: “Connecting with sisters of a different culture and learning from their examples – I noticed how many shared, and how they usually began with ‘God is good’ even as they described hardship in their lives.” Similarly, another wrote in answer to the same question: “Joining of all cultures, all sisters, seeing tears, prayer, and sincerity.”
One of the keys to developing an enduring faith in our youth is intergenerational relationships in the church. Part of the purpose of this annual event is to give our youth just that: a positive and memorable experience relating to other adults and youth in the broader church. Our youth need to know that they are valued and loved for who they are and that their questions and contributions matter in the life of the church.
Caleb Benner and Emily Grimes, both teachers at Dock Mennonite Academy, along with a band of high school students led a time of engaging worship. Juan Marrero, pastor at Christ Centered Church and director of Crossroads Community Center, challenged the youth to be doers of God’s word. He used the illustration of an athlete who looks at film to make adjustments to their game. So, too, we as Christians need to have a mirror put to our lives so that we can be more faithful to the way of Christ.
In addition to getting to answer random fun questions, another perk of being a Junior High youth sponsor is the freedom to experiment with crazy games. A popular new game introduced this year was Bubble Soccer. Picture giant plastic bubbles with legs bouncing off each other and rolling around!
Panelists Krista Showalter Ehst, John Ruth, Paula Stoltzfus, James Krabill, Josh Meyer, and Ray Hurst expressed curiosity about other generations, pondered over advice they would give to their younger selves, suggested practices that are important in the life of the Church, and confessed how their priorities in ministry have been shaped by their life experiences (listen to the podcast).
After the panelists shared, pastors gathered around tables to share their own stories, challenges, and questions. The take away—a hope for the future of the church and a hope for more of these conversations.
“Taking time to be together to learn, to network, to eat together, to drink coffee and tea together helps keep our leadership and relationships vibrant and lively,” says Franconia Conference executive minister Steve Kriss. “While our schedules are busy, this time apart, even for a few hours, is an important respite and a significant time to strengthen both skills and relationships among us as credentialed leaders in our conference community.”
gifts come from a special offering taken by the congregation for their pastor. Sometimes an individual member will feel the need to show their appreciation personally in a financial way, sometimes even unbeknownst to the congregation. In almost every case, the IRS will view “love gifts” as compensation for services rendered and therefore taxable. If coming from the church as the employer, the church needs to either include the love gift in the calculation of the W-2 or issue a 1099-MISC to the pastor. If coming from an individual, the pastor needs to include the gift in their taxable income. If you need further clarification, consult your tax accountant.