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Annoyances, Frustrations, & Inconveniences

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How do you respond when your plans change unexpectedly causing annoyance and inconvenience? I recently had one of these minor annoyances traveling home from California. My travel plans had to be adjusted after my first flight was delayed.  

As I began processing how this minor annoyance would affect me, I thought about all the negative impacts. How would I spend five hours in an airport waiting for my flight to Philadelphia? Would I be able to get comfortable and sleep on my five-hour, overnight flight? Would I be able to stay awake and get my work done while sleep deprived once home? How will this disruption affect my sleep cycle over the next several days?  

Then I began thinking about others impacted by flight delays and cancellations. Airline staff are overworked and stressed due to staff shortages, added work demands, and a growing number of aggressive passengers. Travelers whose work schedules, vacation, or special event cannot be rescheduled or require additional expenses also are stressed. I understand the increasing impatience and irritability dealing with the annoyance and inconvenience of travel disruptions. 

My thoughts shifted to people dealing with other disruptive and life-altering circumstances: the death of a spouse, family member, or close friend; news of a terminal illness, debilitating condition, medical treatment with major side effects; job loss or transition; house eviction, devastating natural disaster, or resettlement in a new country. What I was experiencing was so minimal in comparison to many dealing with loss, grief, and trauma.  

How would I respond to this minor annoyance and inconvenience? I could not change my circumstances, but I could control my response.  

Three things that helped me were naming and processing my feelings, expressing gratitude for the good that emerged, and accepting what I could not change. I processed my feelings and frustrations by writing this article and talking with family members. I prayed and took a walk. In other annoying situations, I processed my feelings by listening to peaceful music, reciting a scripture, or repeating a calming phrase.  

Reminding myself of what I am grateful for keeps my mind focused on the good that emerges rather than my frustration or resentment. I was fortunate for the option to schedule a different flight, helpful and courteous airline staff, patient and respectful passengers, financial resources to travel, good health and being vaccinated, and supportive family praying for me. 

I could not change my situation, but I could accept my circumstances even with the challenges. Reaching out for assistance from others helped me know I was not alone. My husband helped me look for other flight options and decide which option was best. Several family members sent supportive and encouraging text messages as I waited in airports. I prayed for patience and strength. Having support from family and the Holy Spirit helped me accept my circumstances and gave me peace and hope to persevere.  

I am reminded of these three practices in dealing with life’s annoyances when looking to the Psalms. Psalm 77 begins with a complaint for life’s circumstances. “I am so troubled I cannot speak … Has God forgotten to be gracious?” (Ps. 77: 4, 9, NRSV) This complaint is followed by an expression of gratitude. “I will call to mind the deeds of the Lord … I will meditate on all your work” (Ps. 77:11-12). Gratitude leads to acceptance, bringing peace and hope for restoration. “With your strong arm you redeemed your people” (Ps. 77:15). 

Using these three helpful practices to deal with life’s minor annoyances, encourages me to make choices that offer peace and hope. 

A Devout Outsider and an Impulsive Insider

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Editor’s Note: This article is based on a devotional that Janet Panning, Mosaic Board member, shared at the September 2021 Board meeting. 

In the story of Cornelius and Peter (Acts 10: 1- 48), we have an outsider, Cornelius, who is devout and God-fearing, and an insider, Peter, who is impulsive and enthusiastic.  

Peter is processing his vision regarding killing and eating unclean animals when Cornelius’ men arrive, to invite him to Cornelius’ home.  After Peter’s testimony, Cornelius and his household become believers and the gift of the Holy Spirit is poured out, even on Gentiles. Peter orders them to be baptized in the name of Jesus.  I’m not sure Peter even considered circumcising them at that time.  

But soon, Peter is back with the other insiders, and the issue of circumcision comes up.  In Acts 11, the circumcised believers criticized Peter; “You went into the house of uncircumcised men and ate with them” (Acts 11:3, NIV). Peter shares his experience with Cornelius and the work of the Holy Spirit with the insiders. After hearing Peter’s account, the insiders seem to understand. They are excited to hear Peter’s testimony.  

But the circumcision issue doesn’t go away. Peter himself may be wavering and wondering whether he did the right thing. Peter, who denied Jesus three times, has a history of being afraid of what other people think.  

In Galatians, Paul says that Peter used to eat with the Gentiles. But when certain men arrived, Peter began to separate himself from the Gentiles because he was afraid of the circumcised group. Paul is not very nice when he talks about Peter and goes further, saying: “Those who want to impress people by means of the flesh are trying to compel you to be circumcised. The only reason they do this is to avoid being persecuted for the cross of Christ” (Galatians 6:12, NIV)  

Where would the descendants of the Gentiles (us) be without Peter? Peter had a dream and somehow wound up baptizing the first Gentiles.  Peter was impulsive and reacted to what was happening to Cornelius and his family. He seemed to be oblivious to the theological consequences of what he is doing. Yet, later, he may have actually been afraid, as Paul writes in Galatians, and may have wavered because of what people thought. I can imagine what comments would have looked like about the situation on today’s social media.  

Perhaps Peter lacked the confidence that he had acted correctly, since he was acting in faith without thinking of the consequences. Or maybe Paul was right, and Peter just wanted to avoid persecution, so began to separate himself from the Gentiles.  

Peter acted in faith and followed the Holy Spirit which led to an incredible welcoming of all the non-Jews into a faith in Jesus. Is it possible that he did this without thinking through the theological implications and without thinking about the consequences to his own safety or his own reputation? I would encourage us to remember Peter as we discern where God is in our own difficult discussions. 

Where is the Holy Spirit leading us? How can we follow?  Let us remember Peter as we discern where God is when we are among people who are the “outsiders.”  

We also need to have grace to forgive those who, like Peter, waver – perhaps from a lack of courage or confidence. And may we also have grace to forgive the “Pauls” in our lives, who highlight our wavering for all to see.  

May the God of hospitality and welcome, the God of both circumcised and uncircumcised, be with us as we seek to follow Jesus. 

Learning to Love Fall

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I love the changing seasons in Pennsylvania, but I especially love fall. Though Vermont has a beautiful display of rolling mountains, and Colorado’s views are majestic with their Aspen tree colors … but I digress.

Fall makes me pause … and think of life as seasons. Fall has implications, needed transitions to be done in order to be ready for winter, and, not wanting to think about winter, I digress, I procrastinate, I ramble.

Things I planted in spring with such high expectations are now wild in their efforts to show off quickly. So, I give them another day or week, before I cut, prune, and dig out. I have a tendency to hang onto things: things I might finish, things I might wear, things I may need someday … things that hurt, and especially things that didn’t go well.

In fall, I know the things I planted in spring and watered in summer will come to an end in winter. Some have exploded with color; others went in directions I didn’t plan, like the sweet potato vines that grew up the pergola, and also into the fish pond. They will freeze in a few weeks. But I hold on. Fall is tough.

The wildly growing sweet potato vine (light green) in Margaret Zook’s backyard. Photo by Margaret Zook.

In the fall season of life, I think of things that need changing: stuff I must let go and learn from and things that didn’t end so well. I really do need to clear the closet and clean out the gardens. They were fun, but they hurt my feet, and I know I’ll never wear heels again … into the thrift store bin. The sweet potato vines will freeze any day now. Next spring, I won’t plant them next to the pond and I’ll trim them to keep them in check. I’ll never finish the baby blanket – that kid is now 10. The yarn is now in the Care and Share box. In a former job, working as a transition coordinator, I helped facilitate downsizing and moves into retirement living. You’d think I would be good at this. Guess again. It’s easier to talk it than do it.

Pam Morrison calls this season of life that I am in the “Warring Season.” It’s a time of turbulence, setbacks, and resistance to changes. But the Morris Arboretum reminds me fall is for fruits. My optimism, combined with the help of a good friend, has decided that my current self-work focus is to experience this fall as a season of grace.

I need grace for myself to embrace my season of life, to reflect, to give meaning to what has been, and move into what can be now. I need grace to forgive myself, to forget, and to clear the closets of my mind. I need grace to look for the potentials of each day and to walk each day in that self-grace.

I also need grace for others so that I remove expectations, listen more, and reflect the positive. I need grace to forgive, as I have been forgiven. I need grace to be at peace with differences and silence. I need to remember that grace is multiplied through me.

I want to love this spiritual season of fall. I want to reread Bible stories that challenge me to reach for new learnings, to give mediation time for God’s presence, to be grateful for the present, and to reflect on what might be next in this wild and wonderful life.

Leviticus … in 2021?

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Is there anything in Leviticus that applies today?  I often view Leviticus as just a lot of rigid rules and religious activities that are not relevant for us today. Recently, I was surprised. While there are a lot of rituals that can be confusing, there is also a lot about stewardship and generosity, integrity and justice, and respect that we can still apply to our daily lives in 2021.  There is a lot about God’s desire that we be in right relationships with others.   

Stewardship and generosity

Our gifts to God, whether financial, time, or talents, should be from our first fruits and the best we have.  Do we give God our best?  A theme repeated often in Leviticus is that when we give our best, it is an aroma pleasing to the Lord. 

Another theme repeated throughout Leviticus is that generosity is for everyone.  Often repeated are the words, “If anyone cannot afford…” This phrase is followed by a less valuable commodity which can be given, but just as acceptable to God. Therefore, everyone can participate in being generous, no matter what their economic status is. 

Integrity and Justice

Chapter 19 says to treat others fairly. We shouldn’t show favoritism to anyone, great or small. We also shouldn’t seek revenge or carry a grudge, which is really the definition of forgiveness. There is even something in Leviticus for business persons: we should pay our employees fairly and promptly (19:13b), and use honest business standards (19:36), all of which affects our customers, vendors, and employees. 

Chapter 19 also says a lot on how to treat our neighbor: don’t lie to them, steal from them, slander them, or do anything that would endanger their lives. Instead, we are to love them as we love ourselves.  Chapter 6 says how we treat our neighbor is a comparison to how faithful we are to the Lord.  When we deceive or cheat a neighbor, we are being unfaithful to the Lord. 

There is also advocacy and care for the poor and the foreigner in the book. We must treat and love the foreigner as we do ourselves.  Sounds a lot like we should treat them as if they were our neighbors. We also are advised to allow them to glean our fields after the harvest.  What are some “gleaning” options that we can leave behind by those of us in non-agrarian settings?   

Respect

Chapter 19 also goes on to advocate for the elderly and our parents, giving them proper respect, just as you would respect or revere God. 

Leviticus does have something to say to us in 2021.  How we live in community and relate to others is reflective of our faith in God. 

Home

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Another summer day 
Has come and gone away 
In Paris and Rome 
But I wanna go home …  

Let me go home 
I’m just too far from where you are 
I wanna go home 

Sunset in Bandung, Indonesia, from the balcony of Hendy’s apartment when he lived there. 
Photo provided by Hendy Matahelemual.

These are lyrical excerpts from the song, “Home,” by Michael Bublé. Somehow this song keeps coming back to my mind.   

The reason is obvious. I miss my hometown. Yes, I would rather be in Bandung, Indonesia right now, rather than Paris, Rome, Philadelphia, or anywhere in the world. Bandung is not only the city where I was born and raised, but it is also the city where I met many friends, found my calling in life, married my wife, and first held my oldest child.   

It has been three years since I’ve been back home in Indonesia. The current immigration policy and laws, in addition to the pandemic, do not make it easy for me to travel back home. That is why I wish there were a magical door that I could step through and take me there in a second, satisfying my longing, even for a short time.   

What do I miss? I miss the food, the sound of adhan (Islamic call to prayer) in the air, and the food carts that sell food right at your front door. I miss the morning breeze from the mountain and the color of the sky at dusk. Maybe the saying is right: there is no place like home.   

I’m lucky to have beautiful memories, and I know that not everyone shares my feeling about their hometown. Many have trauma, pain, and tragic memories, causing them to search for another place to call “home” someday. Others simply cannot go back, for numerous reasons, to the place they once called “home.”   

Where do we find home then? Where do you find a safe place? Where you can find a place that can replenish your soul?   

The psalmist wrote, “For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than live in the tents of wickedness” (Psalm 84:10, NRSV).  

Our true home is not in this world. We are just simply passing through. That is why there will always be a longing for home, even when you already at your home. Our bodies will always belong to this world, but our spirits belong with God.  

Jesus said, “There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you?” (John 14:2, NLT) 

Jesus is already showing me the way, and he is there already waiting for us. And I’m not alone now. I have my spiritual family all over the world. I call home any place I am with Jesus and his church.   

Why Me?

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As a hospital chaplain, I often encounter people on the worst days of their lives.  As I sit with people receiving difficult diagnoses or needing to make challenging decisions, I am often asked, “Why is this happening?”  

After years of being present with people through sudden deaths, extreme physical pain, or unimaginable trauma, I have yet to have an answer to the question of why.  

When life feels so illogical, it is logical to want a reason or explanation. When the world around us feels anything but clear and simple, any sense of clarity is desired. I get it. 

A couple of months ago, I was diagnosed with leukemia. Seven years ago, I battled leukemia and after chemotherapy, fortunately entered remission. My doctors told me that my leukemia was not curable but treatable, so the chances of recurrence was extremely high. Most people experience recurrence within one to five years, but I was told, if I pass the five-year mark, my chances of experiencing a longer remission (10-20 years) is very high. When I reached my five-year anniversary of being cancer-free, I had a party, with a cake shaped in the number “5.”  

So when my leukemia returned a few months ago, seven years after remission, I was shocked. In fact, I was even more shocked and angry than when I initially was diagnosed. I thought I had beaten the odds. This was not what I expected. My anger manifested into depression and bitterness to the world around me. It was not fair.  

Sue Conrad Howes received chemo for leukemia in 2014. Photo by Michael A. Howes.

I processed my anger and grief with close friends and a counselor. For years, I sat with people as they processed their traumas and disappointments, asking, “Why is this happening to me?” Now I was the one asking the question. Of course, no one had any answer. Nor should they. I am grateful no one said, “Everything happens for a reason,” because that is not true. Sometimes awful things happen, and there is no reason.  

Eventually I asked the question differently, “Why should this not be happening to me?”

Eventually I asked the question differently, “Why should this not be happening to me?” Why did I think I was any more special than anyone else? Sometimes things happen that we have no control over. No matter how well we live or pray or how many casseroles we take to our elderly neighbors, life can throw us a huge curve ball combined with a sucker punch. We don’t need to be happy and upbeat when bad things happen, nor do we have to figure out the “why”. 

I began thinking about other things in my life. I didn’t ignore my leukemia, but I realized I never asked why something is happening to me when things were going well – like when my leukemia went into remission seven years earlier, before all my chemo treatments were completed, or when we sold our house, the buyers offered to pay us $25,000 more than asking. I didn’t ask why either of those times, but I celebrated and gave thanks.  

Is it possible to not ask why with bad things in the same way I don’t ask why with good? Am I able to honor both? Am I able to say that I am no better or worse than another person, but that my life circumstances are different?  

How I accept and strive forward with those circumstances is what makes the difference. Now I spend time asking what am I going to do about this rather than asking why is this happening. Suddenly, the question now gives me an opportunity to give an answer, rather than saying, “I don’t know.”  

Now I know.  

Managing My House Plants

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I am beginning to enjoy house plants. As a child, I remember a few plants finding their way into our home. It was a welcomed, bi-annual chore to move several of my grandmother’s potted plants outside in the spring and then clean them up and move them back indoors in the fall.  

Now that my children are old enough to not tip over the plants to explore the dirt or eat the plants, a few house plants have found their way into our home. Some have bitter-sweet memories attached as gifts from a funeral; some came in bright abstract pots painted by my children; one was an exciting find at a discount grocery store, and others were shared from growing collections of family members.

Plants generally need a combination of soil, light, and water. Choosing the right amount of sunlight, soil type, and proper drainage combo varies with each plant variety. Now, I can make most plants survive, and most of them are fine and happy. However, the spider plant I have growing in a corner shelf that I never bother to rotate is not healthy. My vining pathos plant is luscious and deep green; however, if I experimented with different lighting, I wonder if it is actually a variegated leaf variety waiting to be exposed.

Photo provided by Brooke Martin.

If I treat each plant equally, with the same pot, soil, and sun-exposure, and put them on the same watering schedule, with equal amounts of fertilizer and pruning, they might survive, but they would not thrive. They share one home, but these are all different plants. Their needs may overlap, but each requires different attention.   

Photo provided by Brooke Martin.

It would not be wise to water my snake plant like I do my palm plants as my snake plant would suffer root rot.  Currently I prefer my arrowhead to be a bushy plant, so I need to prune it to keep it from vining and taking over. For a variety of plants to thrive and flourish in my one household, each plant needs to be tended in its own way. This is equity.  

In our lives, equity means every person is their own God-created, perfectly beautiful plant. Every person’s personality, culture, race, life stage, gender, economic status, health, relationships, and life experiences impact what sun exposure, fertilizer, pruning, watering, soil type, and frequency of re-potting is needed for them to thrive.  

Take a walk with the Holy Spirit through the household of your life. Listen to the Creator of the Garden of Eden.  Look inside you. What plants in you need to be pruned? What needs to be re-potted or fertilized?   

Look around you. What plants in your household, workplace, small group, congregation, community, country, and world are straining for sunlight? What parts are waterlogged and suffering root rot? Ask the Holy Spirit to direct your actions and inactions toward Holy Equity. 

Creator God, hear our prayer. 

“Can papyrus grow where there is no marsh? Can reeds flourish where there is no water?

 – Job 8:11, NRSV 

ABC or DEF: What is Your Faith Community Prioritizing?

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When someone finds out I am a pastor, the typical response is, “You sure don’t look like one.” The next question is typically, “Where do you pastor?” followed by, “How big is your church?” 

There it is: the grading system of ABCs that we have for our faith communities.   

Attendance 
Buildings
Cash 

Often, the success of a church is based on how many people show up on a Sunday. Then, the buildings are examined. What do they look like? How big are they? What is their acreage? Lastly, is the church financially well off?  

What does it mean to use these markers of a “successful” church?  What were Jesus’ ABCs? 

Attendance was anywhere from 12 to 120 for Jesus. Now he had some major services that grabbed 5000+.  But when we look at it, can we really determine the attendance?  Do we even know the real impact? 

Regarding buildings, well, he was technically homeless. Sooo… there goes that one! If we really look at it, he used public places, people’s homes, and the temples.  Kinda makes you wonder… 

As for cash, we know there was a treasury of some sort.  At times people gave money and donated resources along the way, but we don’t see a lot of discussion about the money flowing from his coffers.  In fact, Jesus and having a budget doesn’t seem to jive at all. 

I by no means am saying meetinghouses are bad, having people engage your faith community is wrong, or that having a budget to transact affairs and assist in advancing the kingdom is misguided.   However, these are not the measurements of what a “successful” kingdom community is. 

Instead, I encourage us to consider DEFs:  

Discipleship
Evangelism
Fellowship 

We hear these DEF words often, but many times they seem so nebulous. What do they really mean? 

Discipleship is the pouring in and pouring out. As we get filled with joy from the Holy Spirit, are we able to pour into and receive from others?  It requires a level of spiritual intimacy that allows our faith walk to intersect with others.  

Evangelism is not an attitude of ensuring people are saved. Instead, it is sharing the Good News of the Gospel.  Are people in our church sharing their faith with those who do not follow Jesus? Does a relationship develop from this sharing? Fellowship is joining others on their faith journey and creating community.   

Evaluating DEFs is not based on numbers, but a cultural measurement. Are DEFs happening in our faith community? 

In Matthew 22, “Jesus replied, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (NIV)  

The essence of these two commandments is DEF.  When we do these commandments, we will make disciples.  Then, we will need more space for all the people we are engaging in our communities. Then, we will have the funds to building the Kingdom on Earth as it is in Heaven. ABC will happen because of DEF.  This is the marker for a faith community.   

What are you chasing after?  Where are you headed?  What can you do to chase after the DEF and make that the mark?  In the end, we can only control our own actions to stand up to the darkness in this world and be the light to those around us.