Mosaic Mennonites

Missional - Intercultural - Formational

Sue Conrad Howes

Seeing Each Other As Children of God

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by Sue Conrad Howes, Director of Pastoral Services, St. Luke’s Penn Foundation 

Originally published on the St. Luke’s Penn Foundation blog. Reprinted with permission  

When I first began working as a chaplain in mental health, I was anxious. I said to my supervisor, “I’m not really sure this is the place for me to do my chaplaincy as I have never done chaplaincy in this arena before.” My supervisor gently replied, “Do you think you’ll be able to interact with each client as though s/he is a child of God?” I said, “Yes.”  Then he said, “That is all you’ll need to do.” 

I am reminded of those wise words so often in my work. In fact, I try to remind myself of my goal each day, thinking, “God, help me see each person I meet today as your beloved child.” When I remember the guidance that I was given, I can do my work better and not get caught up in the stigmas, diagnoses, or addictions that the people with whom I work face each day. It allows me to see the client, not as a diagnosis or an addict, but rather as a child of God. Suddenly, I know how to interact with this person – I love them, as I should all children of God. 

I share this story as a sort of confession. Even as a chaplain for a mental health facility, I too have struggled, and sometimes still do, with knowing how best to serve, support, and encourage persons with mental health issues and addictions. Also, when I started in mental health, I felt like I needed to do a lot of reading and research on mental health diagnoses, such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, etc.  Again, my wise advisor told me, sure, you can learn about them, but it’s probably best when you first meet a client/patient that you not even know what his/her diagnosis is. “Just treat them as a beloved child of God.” Although learning about different diagnoses has been helpful in better understanding the clients, I have learned that their diagnoses do not define them or how I enter into a relationship with them. Our relationship is already cemented by my belief that we are both children of God, worthy of love and acceptance. 

May is Mental Health Awareness month. I wish we didn’t have to have a special month to promote it, but the stigmas of mental illness are still prevalent today. When I find myself guarded about interacting with a client due to his/her illness, I ask myself, “Would I be treating them this way if they had a diagnosis of diabetes or cancer?” We accept those illnesses and freely want to support those persons, but we still are challenged in accepting mental illnesses. 

I challenge you this month and in the year ahead, as you interact with persons in your congregation, your family, and your community with mental illness, to remember first and foremost that they, like you, are a beloved child of God. Be kind, gentle, and loving to them and yourself. 

Sue Conrad Howes

Sue Conrad Howes is a chaplain at St.Luke’s Penn Foundation and is an ordained pastor in MC USA. She and her husband live in Quakertown, PA and are members at West Swamp Mennonite Church.

When 1 + 1 = 3 (or more) 

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“Eight weeks. Would you be willing to help us out for eight weeks…maybe ten at the most?”  

This was the invitation I received to join the Conference communication staff in January 2020. As the Conference changed and grew, so did the needs of the communication staff, so my eight weeks was extended multiple times until I became a permanent staff member. Now, four years later, I have decided it is time for me to pass the baton along.  

For the four years that I worked for Mosaic, I worked at least one other job, sometimes two. My jobs were always part-time jobs, so on paper, it seemed like the math should add up. Rarely did the number of hours purportedly worked add up to over 40. Surely, I could handle a full-time load. Many weeks, I did, and it was fine. Some weeks felt lighter than full-time, and others more than full-time. I was bi-vocational, working in two areas that I loved: communication and chaplaincy. I was on the communication staff for Mosaic, and I was a chaplain. I felt fortunate. And I was. 

But over time, the toll of doing two part-time jobs that required my energy and thinking outside of the standard hours worked began to feel heavy. It was hard to juggle the schedules; which job do I prioritize when I have both jobs requesting my presence at the exact same time? How do I make sacrifices in one job to be successful in the other? Carrying the energy, knowledge, and responsibility of two jobs began to feel like I wasn’t able to do either one as well as I wanted.  

I know many people, especially those of us in ministry, are bi-vocational. Some people may choose this, as they welcome the opportunity to set boundaries and feel like having another job allows them this possibility. Other people are bi-vocational due to financial needs. For some, being bi-vocational allows them to experience a variety of professional experiences, something I enjoyed in my two roles.  

But, after four years, I realized that juggling two jobs is not sustainable for me in the long run. I want to be able to focus more steadily on one job and do it well. For me, this meant choosing the job that allowed my truest passion, being a chaplain, to shine.  

As a result, I say goodbye to my role on the communication team of Mosaic Conference. I do so sadly, as I have thoroughly enjoyed my time as a staff member. But I’m not going away, as I still am an active member of a Mosaic congregation. I just won’t have the regular staff interaction now, and I will miss that. The Mosaic staff are amazing. They work very hard to support a growing, changing, diverse group of people and theological beliefs and they do it with joy, integrity, commitment, and even some laughter.  

Many of the Mosaic staff are bi-vocational. Many of them are juggling multiple roles in their life too, like you. So, as you work with them, give them grace and understanding, knowing that 1 + 1 does not always equal 2.  

Sue Conrad Howes

Sue Conrad Howes is a chaplain at St.Luke’s Penn Foundation and is an ordained pastor in MC USA. She and her husband live in Quakertown, PA and are members at West Swamp Mennonite Church.

The Faith of a Tonsil 

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I had just sent out the invitations for my Remission party – to celebrate that after two years, I had finally achieved remission from leukemia, when I got the call. They noticed a small area of concern in my tonsil on a recent scan. “It is probably nothing,” but I should get another scan. A day later, my doctor called me and said they found a tumor in my tonsil. My surgery was in 13 days.  

Things happened quickly. Mostly, I was grateful. Let’s get this tumor out. Yet I also had to plan for an unexpected two weeks off from work and more. For two years I had gone through multiple treatments and chemo. It had been long and tiring. I was ready to return to my old self. If the tumor was malignant, this would be the first of two surgeries, plus possible radiation. My head was swirling.  

I moved toward the surgery, checking things off my lists, preparing for recovery, and praying. Praying that this would be benign. I was surrounded by an army of prayer warriors too. Yet, I still found myself struggling to sleep at night. I googled “tonsil cancer.” I worried. I was scared and depressed, no matter how much I prayed or others prayed for me.  

One morning I awoke, feeling like I had received a message from God: “All will be well.” The assurance I felt did not ensure a benign biopsy or an easy road ahead, but that “all will be well,” regardless. This reminder of God’s presence carried me for the next few days. 

My surgery went well. Now to wait for the biopsy results, which would take about a week. Recovery from such surgery is awful. I was barely able to swallow, even my own saliva, and I lost ten pounds in the first week. The silver lining about having such intense pain is that it kept my mind off the biopsy results. A week passed and no results. My pain was still bad, but slightly improving, so I found myself thinking more about the biopsy. The hypothetical scenarios would play out, often in the middle of the night, as I waited. God’s assurance a week before seemed distant. 

In the hospital, just a few minutes before surgery, Sue is ready for her tonsil and tumor to be removed.

Photo by: Michael Howes

Last week, I met with my doctor. He told me that the primary biopsy results were in, but that it would be another two weeks until I received the final, full report. The initial biopsy report showed no signs of malignancy. Benign. He was quite confident that the final report would be the same.  

I felt lighter, relieved, renewed.   

I’m still waiting for those final biopsy results … probably for another week. But now the waiting doesn’t seem so difficult. I have trust in the doctor and his belief, for which I am grateful.  

However, it makes me pause. I still don’t know what the final biopsy result will be. Yet, the doctor’s confidence has allowed me to release my fear of the unknown. Why was I not able to release that fear to God as I prayed? Shouldn’t I be able to release it, trusting God that all will be well, regardless of the final biopsy? I confess I wasn’t. But with the doctor I was.  

I don’t want to beat myself up for my lack of faith. It’s common. But it has made me think about prayer and faith, especially during medical challenges. What are we praying for? If we pray in faith, why do we still worry? Why can’t I trust God’s word in the same way that I trust the doctor’s word? 

Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.  

The Power of Handwriting

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By Sue Conrad Howes 

You could count on it like the rising of the sun. From the week I left for college in 1988 to her death in 2008, my grandmother wrote me a weekly letter.  It was one of the most reliable things in my ever-changing life.  Based on rough calculations, Grandma wrote me well over 1000 letters on her lacy stationery with her fancy penmanship.  

My relationship with my grandma had always been strong, even before the letter writing, but it grew stronger as a result of the letters. Ignoring the advent of email during this time, I also hand wrote letters to Grandma. I was, perhaps, not quite as dedicated as she was, but we had a wonderful correspondence that crossed generations, theological differences, and geographical distances. I became a better person because of these letters, learning from her wisdom, but also knowing how to express my changing self to someone who had always been so present in my life.  

A letter from Grandma under a letter from Sue in 2006. Photo provided by Sue Conrad Howes.

Like others, I am a fan of quick texts, even email … but I still love the old-fashioned approach to relationships through the hand-written word of a card, letter, or note. Recently I spent the week with my 16-year-old niece while her parents were away. One day, I tucked a small card in her lunch bag. At lunch, she snapped a photo of the card and sent me a text, thanking me for it. I later learned that she shared that same photo on her Instagram account. What was it about the card that made a teenager want to share it with her world?   

The photo of the note in Sue’s niece’s lunch. Photo provided by Sue Conrad Howes.

We know that a portion of the New Testament is formed of letters (called “epistles”), written from one person to another.  These letters have become our holy Scriptures. We have been able to use them as our guide, despite the fact that they were letters written over 2000 years ago. Did Paul have any idea his letters would have such staying power?  What is it about the epistles that makes us want to share them with the world? 

I wonder how many drafts Paul took to write his letters. Did he wish for white-out or an eraser, or did he take the time to think through his words before putting them on parchment? What does it mean when we take the time to think clearly about our words to another person, and then hand write them on paper? I always take more time when I write a card or letter, usually re-reading it before mailing it, than any text or even email that I write. Imagine if we all took a little bit more time in our communication: hand-written, spoken, or typed. Would it make it to someone’s Instagram account? 

If you’re looking to experience the epistles as they were originally heard or written, join Mosaic Institute’s “Formed by Scripture” class this spring.  You’ll dig more deeply into the stories behind the Bible, explore the experiences that shape how we interpret Scripture, and practice interacting with the Bible in ways that can change us—like writing out one of its books by hand! 

Sue Conrad Howes

Sue Conrad Howes is part of the communication team for Mosaic Mennonite Conference. She is an ordained pastor in MC USA and is a chaplain at St.Luke’s Penn Foundation. She and her husband live in Quakertown, PA and are members at West Swamp Mennonite Church.

Why Me?

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As a hospital chaplain, I often encounter people on the worst days of their lives.  As I sit with people receiving difficult diagnoses or needing to make challenging decisions, I am often asked, “Why is this happening?”  

After years of being present with people through sudden deaths, extreme physical pain, or unimaginable trauma, I have yet to have an answer to the question of why.  

When life feels so illogical, it is logical to want a reason or explanation. When the world around us feels anything but clear and simple, any sense of clarity is desired. I get it. 

A couple of months ago, I was diagnosed with leukemia. Seven years ago, I battled leukemia and after chemotherapy, fortunately entered remission. My doctors told me that my leukemia was not curable but treatable, so the chances of recurrence was extremely high. Most people experience recurrence within one to five years, but I was told, if I pass the five-year mark, my chances of experiencing a longer remission (10-20 years) is very high. When I reached my five-year anniversary of being cancer-free, I had a party, with a cake shaped in the number “5.”  

So when my leukemia returned a few months ago, seven years after remission, I was shocked. In fact, I was even more shocked and angry than when I initially was diagnosed. I thought I had beaten the odds. This was not what I expected. My anger manifested into depression and bitterness to the world around me. It was not fair.  

Sue Conrad Howes received chemo for leukemia in 2014. Photo by Michael A. Howes.

I processed my anger and grief with close friends and a counselor. For years, I sat with people as they processed their traumas and disappointments, asking, “Why is this happening to me?” Now I was the one asking the question. Of course, no one had any answer. Nor should they. I am grateful no one said, “Everything happens for a reason,” because that is not true. Sometimes awful things happen, and there is no reason.  

Eventually I asked the question differently, “Why should this not be happening to me?”

Eventually I asked the question differently, “Why should this not be happening to me?” Why did I think I was any more special than anyone else? Sometimes things happen that we have no control over. No matter how well we live or pray or how many casseroles we take to our elderly neighbors, life can throw us a huge curve ball combined with a sucker punch. We don’t need to be happy and upbeat when bad things happen, nor do we have to figure out the “why”. 

I began thinking about other things in my life. I didn’t ignore my leukemia, but I realized I never asked why something is happening to me when things were going well – like when my leukemia went into remission seven years earlier, before all my chemo treatments were completed, or when we sold our house, the buyers offered to pay us $25,000 more than asking. I didn’t ask why either of those times, but I celebrated and gave thanks.  

Is it possible to not ask why with bad things in the same way I don’t ask why with good? Am I able to honor both? Am I able to say that I am no better or worse than another person, but that my life circumstances are different?  

How I accept and strive forward with those circumstances is what makes the difference. Now I spend time asking what am I going to do about this rather than asking why is this happening. Suddenly, the question now gives me an opportunity to give an answer, rather than saying, “I don’t know.”  

Now I know.  

Healing from COVID-19

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No one has been immune to the COVID-19 pandemic. While some may have experienced great loss, all of us—including church leaders—have experienced some sort of trauma during the past 15 months.

To learn about healing processes for this trauma, twenty-five Mosaic Conference pastors and leaders gathered on June 11-12, 2021 for a hybrid workshop at Swamp (Quakertown, PA) Mennonite Church and via Zoom. Three experts in the field of trauma and trauma healing—therapist John Drescher-Lehman, LCSW; Dr. Leah Thomas, professor of pastoral care at Anabaptist Mennonite Biblical Seminary; and global peacebuilder Dr. Al Fuertes—shared their collective wisdom.

Three experts in the field of trauma and trauma healing— (from left to right) Dr. Al Fuertes, Dr. Leah Thomas and John Drescher-Lehman, LCSW.

Trauma results in a loss of connection, therefore the need to re-connect is critically important; we cannot just re-connect and ignore the trauma, however. Throughout the weekend, participants were reminded that healing from trauma happens best in community. In this unique time of trauma healing, when everyone has been affected by the pandemic, it is important to remember that leaders need to recover from our own trauma while also holding space for others to recover.

“The light God lit in us does not go out, even when we struggle with pain.”

When trauma occurs, it is very normal to either avoid and abandon or become hyper-focused on the emotional, spiritual, social, sexual, physical, or intellectual parts of our lives. During the opening session, candles were lit for each of these areas, and participants were invited to light their own candle from these flames, honoring the effect trauma has played in their lives during the pandemic. Drescher-Lehman reminded us, “The light God lit in us does not go out, even when we struggle with pain.”

Throughout the weekend, presenters reminded participants that if trauma is not addressed and honored, re-traumatization is likely to occur. As leaders, we want to ensure that our own trauma, and our collective trauma as a congregation, is processed in healthy ways, preventing further traumatization.

Thomas shared three keys for post-trauma healing: Calm, Connection, and Communication. We can create calm together through practices like communal prayer, singing, silence, appropriate touch, and familiar rituals/liturgies. To build connection, we want to work on authentic relationships with each other. In fostering communication, we want to be clear, kind, and transparent, setting boundaries, and being authentic and intentional. We also want to offer people choice, giving permission for them to participate or not, especially when recovering from trauma. Through all of these steps, it is important that we are compassionate with ourselves and each other.

The healing of trauma is also shaped by the intersection of a person’s culture and life experiences. In some ways, trauma is universal and there are core symptoms (avoidance, irritability, sleep issues) that happen to all persons who experience trauma. Culture can also greatly impact trauma, however, in how we describe it, how we present and process emotions, how we understand suffering and healing, and how a person makes meaning or heals from the trauma. Even within shared cultures, individuals can respond very differently to trauma, as their experience of trauma is shaped by their sense of self, personality, resilience, theology, and personal and/or familial history. As church leaders, it is important to pay attention to the three aspects (universal, cultural, and individual) of pastoral care to persons processing and healing from trauma.

“As I participated in the COVID healing workshop via zoom, one of the presenters asked us to find a place and a position that made us feel comfortable, whether sitting or lying on a couch. I closed my eyes and followed his instructions of breathing and visualization. I inhaled and exhaled and became more relaxed. I envisioned a bright day with a panoramic view of a big, green, grassy field. There was a rabbit and a dark image of a bird (probably representing me) on the left-hand side looking into the grassland.

As I processed this time, I realized I had been staying at home for over a year, not even going out grocery shopping. The visualization exercise encouraged me to go outside again, to heal in God’s creation of nature.”

– Wendy, workshop participant

One way that participants were guided to process the trauma of COVID-19 was through somatic spiritual exercises, such as breathing exercises and gentle yoga. “The body can tell us when we are in danger and unsafe, but the body can also tell us when we are safe and grounded,” explained Dr. Leah Thomas. As a result, paying specific attention to our physical bodies can help us identify areas in our lives that may need attention and healing.

As we move into the next phase of pandemic life, it is important to honor and acknowledge how each of us as individuals and as congregations survived. Taking time to honor the unique journey, giving time to grieve, and express gratitude for making it through, will all aid to post-pandemic healing and resiliency.

Conference Announces Growing Staff

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by Sue Conrad Howes, Communication associate

As of September 1, Mosaic Conference has added two new staff members: Cindy Angela, full-time Digital Communication Associate, and Margaret Zook, part-time Director of Collaborative Ministries.

Cindy Angela

Cindy Angela will provide direction for digital and virtual resources, including vision-setting and implementation of social media strategy, leading the video and translation teams, and providing other artistic expressions including photography and graphic design.  She has a degree in communication from Temple University and is a member of Philadelphia Praise Center, where she coordinated much of its virtual worship services during the COVID-19 quarantine.

“Communication has been a growing edge in our conference for several years now. We continue to see the changes in our conference as opportunities to connect across cultures, languages, geographies, and theological worldviews,” said Emily Ralph Servant, Mosaic’s Director of Communication.  “Cindy is a huge gift to us at this crossroads.  She brings technical skills that we desperately need as well as relational and intercultural capacity, enthusiasm and creativity, and a passion for contributing all of who she is to joining God’s work in the world.  We couldn’t be more excited to add her to our team!”

Margaret Zook

Margaret Zook will lead the conference’s team of staff relating to Conference Related Ministries as Director of Collaborative Ministries. Before coming to this new role, Margaret served with three Conference Related Ministries, including a decade on the board of Penn Foundation (Sellersville, PA).  Margaret was also the Executive Director of Souderton (PA) Mennonite Homes for more than twenty years before serving Living Branches (Lansdale, PA) as the Director of Church and Community Relations.  She is an active member of Salford congregation (Harleysville, PA).

“Margaret brings deep commitments to the church and extensive leadership experience within our Conference Related Ministries community,” said Steve Kriss, Executive Minister.  “I’m grateful for her willingness to lead the work of strengthening relationships with our broad array of non-profit ministries that extends our work in Pennsylvania, Vermont, Honduras, India and Indonesia.”  

The staff of Mosaic Conference has grown to twenty-one full-time and part-time individuals since the reconciliation of Eastern District Conference and Franconia Conference in February 2020.  Conference staff provides accompaniment to congregations, credentialed leaders, and Conference Related Ministries, administrative support, and resourcing through youth formation, intercultural, and missional teams.  Staff members currently live in four states and work regularly in English, Spanish, and Indonesian languages while also producing materials in Cantonese, Haitian Creole, and Vietnamese.

Navigating Hospital Visits During COVID-19

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by Sue Conrad Howes, West Swamp (Quakertown, PA) congregation

Hospital chaplain, Sue Conrad Howes, wears 2 masks and a face shield at work. Photo provided by Sue C. Howes.

Hospital visitation is an important part of pastoral care. However, hospital life, like so many other things, is not business as usual these days.

As a hospital chaplain, I have been asked a lot about hospital visitation. Here are my thoughts regarding caring for your hospitalized congregants during COVID-19.

Each hospital is implementing different visitation policies. Most hospitals are restricting visitors in some capacity. Some are allowing only immediate family. Some are allowing only one visitor at a time. Some are still not allowing visitors (or it depends on what unit the patient is in.)

Be sure to call the hospital to get the specifics before going. Not only are visitor restrictions in place at most hospitals, many have adjusted visiting hours and visitor entrances. Because most hospitals are requiring you to register and get your temperature taken, hospitals have designated only certain entrances for visitors.  

If you are unable or uncomfortable with an in-person visit, phone calls are very welcomed. Check if the patient has a cell phone with them. If not, typically the nurse can get access to a landline in the patient’s room. (Call the hospital and ask for the nurse’s station for that patient.)

If the patient has a cell phone, facetime might be appropriate.  Again, medical staff are typically very accommodating during this time in assisting patients to use technology to connect with others.

Of course, cards can be a great option. Drop them off at the front desk of a hospital if you live nearby and it will be delivered to the patient. You can mail it, but that takes longer and the patient may not be in hospital for long. Cards, balloons, or plants fill a hospital room nicely for a patient and are a constant reminder of your love and support.  

Remember, patients don’t need long visits or phone calls. Most patients just need about 5 minutes to check on them and then to offer prayer. They need rest. 

If you don’t feel capable of visiting the hospital, but feel like the patient would benefit from a pastoral care visit, call the hospital and request to speak to pastoral care or a chaplain. You can put a request in to the pastoral care office and a chaplain on-site will go visit your patient. If you leave your name and contact information, most chaplains will even let the patient know that you were the one who requested the visit. If you are very concerned about the patient, as they may not have any family visiting, you can even kindly ask the chaplain to give you a call back after the visit for an update, if the patient gives permission.

While an in-person visit can be valuable, check in with the family of the patient, if you are able. They perhaps could also use support, as having a loved one in the hospital right now is stressful. A regular check-in with the family might be where pastoral care is most needed.

Hospital visits, like almost everything else, have changed since March. Hospital patients need to be especially protected from viruses and other germs, but they also need prayer, support, and love. Use your best judgement when considering a hospital visit, and be sure to stay at least 6 feet away from the patient, even if you have a mask on. We want to do our best to ensure the safety and well being of all.