by Marta Castillo, Associate Executive Minister
“Mosaic seeks to hold together both gracious hospitality and high expectations, creating space where people are welcomed but also challenged to grow in faith.”
— A Mosaic Identity: Clarifying Our Center (Mosaic’s “Centering Document)
Gracious hospitality, high expectations, creating space, and growing in faith all require a willingness to be uncomfortable. This is my story of what I have learned from discomfort.
When I was a child, I lived in Kalimantan, Indonesia. I was orang kulit putih (a white-skinned person) and stood out with my rambut kuning (blond hair). I was easily identified as bule (foreigner). I learned to adapt to fit in, and make myself as small and unobtrusive as possible. It was always uncomfortable, but I made friends, enjoyed life there, and tried to be as Indonesian as I could.
From Indonesian villages, I attended three different North American Christian boarding schools. It was hard to be separated from my parents (although my brother was with me), and to adapt to different styles of discipline and Christian theology. Again, I adapted. I learned about North American culture, made friends, and followed the rules of the dorm parents and schools.
When I returned to the United States (a place my parents called home), I expected to fit in. Instead, I often felt uncomfortable. Although I spoke the language, I didn’t understand the culture or know the songs, movies, and stories my peers had grown up with. When I tried to share my story, it was too weird for others to connect with and understand. So I stopped telling it and continued trying to escape notice and fit in.
Over the years, discomfort has made me adaptable. I learned to pay attention to situational clues, figure out the rules so I wouldn’t make mistakes, and wait to speak until I had built rapport and trust. In each new setting, including college, voluntary service, and eventually Norristown, Pennsylvania, I learned to present myself in ways that would help me fit in and be accepted.
The thirty years in Norristown were the first time I settled and became comfortable. I became a member, and then pastor, of Nueva Vida Norristown New Life. We bought a house, collected stuff, raised children, and built deep relationships. I learned the Spanish language and culture and was welcomed into the Spanish-speaking community. I walked the streets of Norristown, prayed, and learned to know the people, schools, churches, and community.
During that time, an uncomfortable anti-racism training helped me identify myself as a white person. I began to understand that my ability to adapt and be interculturally aware could be a gift to myself and others. It didn’t have to be a way of hiding or making myself small and inconsequential.
I share my story because in my ten years of ministry with Mosaic, I have often felt uncomfortable. I have been an unknown entity showing up simply as myself to be present in congregations, in relationships with pastors and leaders, in meetings, and in changing leadership roles. I have felt uncomfortable listening, caring, and conversing with people who are different from me culturally and theologically, people who might be excited, angry, or confused. I have felt uncomfortable with the responsibility of leadership.
The discomfort has helped me to be more honest with God, with myself, and with others. It has helped me to grow and be mutually transformed by my Mosaic siblings.
In Mosaic Mennonite Conference, we will all feel discomfort at one time or another. We are too diverse to feel comfortable in every situation, conversation, meeting, and relationship. I believe the spaces that make us uncomfortable can teach us to hold ambiguity more loosely.
We can feel accepted by a group even when we feel different and set apart. We can be enough for the ministry at hand while still seeking to learn and grow in competence. We can make space for grace for ourselves and others even when we are anxious and uncertain. We can step into the space God has created for us by offering our presence without overflowing into or taking the space of others.
May God bless us with a willingness to be uncomfortable, that we might be obedient to God’s invitation to extend gracious hospitality, meet high expectations, and grow in our capacity to create space for the work of the Holy Spirit and our siblings. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.
Mosaic values two-way communication and encourages our constituents to respond with feedback, questions, or encouragement. To contact Marta Castillo, please email mcastillo@mosaicmennonites.org.
The opinions expressed in articles posted on Mosaic’s website are those of the author and may not reflect the official policy of Mosaic Conference. Mosaic is a large conference, crossing ethnicities, geographies, generations, theologies, and politics. Each person can only speak for themselves; no one can represent “the conference.” May God give us the grace to hear what the Spirit is speaking to us through people with whom we disagree and the humility and courage to love one another even when those disagreements can’t be bridged.